Made perfectly to be loved?

This post is on the fly. It's unedited. It hasn't been read twice. What I wanted to say in the heat of the emotions is what is written on this stupid blog. I'm not lonely, but I don't want to be "alone" anymore. I am one of those people who is in love with love stories. I read and read and read as many books as possible and throughout my entire library, within every single book without fail, every time a sweet/romantic moment happens... it's dog-eared. This is so that I know exactly where to look for my favorite parts. I'm hopeless. It's pretty darn ironic that the person who is in love with romance and love and all of that jazz is the one person who is completely without any of it. I've never had any romance of any kind. I've never had a boyfriend, I've never been on a date, I've never even been asked out on a date, I've never been kissed, nothing. And I want it so badly. Yes, I'm all about abstinence and purity, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to have a Pride & Prejudice-esque encounter in the woods with my own Mr. Darcy. It doesn't mean that just because I'm waiting for my husband that I don't want someone to ask me to dance or to kiss me. No, I'm not about to kiss any old guy, but at the end of this year I'll be twenty years old... and I'll be a dateless, kissless, romancless twenty year old. Twenty years will have gone by of me swooning over romances of fictional characters all the while I never got to experience any of it. You know what? I want it too! I want it so bad!

I think about it all the time. I want to meet the person that I'm waiting for, or at leats meet someone that'll lead me to him. I don't want to be alone. I want to live in love, and I want to know what it feel slike to have someone you really like lean in to kiss you, or reach for my hand, or hug me when I'm having a really hard day, or just come meet me for Chinese when I'm hungry for it. I just want to experience the love that life has in store for me, rather than reading about it in novels and watching it on TV and in Movies. It's funny because I used to think that the reason no one asked me out was because of my size... now I'm wondering if it isn't just because of me. But that scares me more than anything else. What if the problem isn't something i can just fix? What if it's not my shape or style or whatever that people don't like... what if it's just ME that is why I'm eternally single? What then? A lot of what makes me me is stuff that isn't really the typical thing that guys look for in a girl... and it scares me that someone hasn't seen that as a positive yet. What if no one ever does? Am I destined to be alone forever?

If Life Begins at Conception....

In Philosophy class on Tuesday (yes, shocking that I was actually paying attention) we were arguing when Berkely would have believed that life began. We decided that since he was a bishop it would have been at either birth or conception rather than that we had just always existed. I happen to believe both, simply because if Jesus forgave all of our sins while on the cross then He knew us before we were ever even considered by our parents. He knew me thousands of years before I was born. I also believe that our PHYSICAL life begins at conception. I think that there are a few verses in the Bible that back me up, but none more so than in Psalm 139. I'll put the specific verses in bold, but I wanted to add the whole thing simply because of how beautiful this passage is. This is the NLT version, because that's the version that my Bible is:

1 O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.

2 You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.

3 You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do.

4 You know what I am going to say even before I say it, LORD.

5 You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!

7 I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence!

8 If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave,a you are there.

9 If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans,

10 even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.

11 I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night—

12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you.

13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

16 You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

17 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!

18 I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!

19 O God, if only you would destroy the wicked! Get out of my life, you murderers!

20 They blaspheme you; your enemies misuse your name.

21 O LORD, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you? Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?

22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred, for your enemies are my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

I guess my question is, if we believe that life begins at conception, why is it that our age is determined by "birth days"? Technically, since I believe life begins at conception, and I was supposed to be born on Christmas, but was born 6 days early, I'm not 19 years old, I'm almost 20! I'm 19 years, 353 days old (if you count today). I was knit together in my mother's womb by God himself. He watched over me as my body grew. He made me perfectly and wonderfully. He knew me even then. And I was alive for those 8 months and 25 days.... then why don't we celebrate those days? Why aren't those days counted if we say that live begins at conception. From the very moment my existence began, my life began... and yet on Earth we only recognize those from birth on... why is that?

Does anyone have an answer for me?