How do I love me... is there even a list?

I find it funny that even as I'm starting out on this blog, which is a project to overcome my fears, I'm reluctant to write anything down. I'm an honest writer. I write what is real and true. When I come up with characters for my stories they're never the perfect girls who are good at everything and have no problems and always get prom dates; no, they're the girls like me who are flawed. They work for everything that they earn, they go to prom alone, and they try desperately to not want to be the aforementioned girls. I write truth. So, knowing this fact about myself, I'm reluctant to begin writing about myself, because my pen is brutally honest, and I have a fair few flaws to exploit (PS... alliteration anyone?). Regardless, I want to start my project off on the right foot, so here's my ten seconds to breathe the fear in... and my moment to breathe it out and get on with my life.
I think what I struggle with the most on a daily basis is not my fear of things, it's the knowledge that I don't really know myself. And, honestly, if there's one person on the planet you have no excuse not to know thoroughly, it's yourself. I used to know me quite well and then... well, life happened. Within a short few years my grandparents and my parents got divorced, I started high school, my mom remarried, I got mercilessly bullied, and lost all of my friends, save one. Long story short, everything changed; I changed too, only, I didn't notice. Once I finally took note of my drastic shift it was too late and I looked in the proverbial mirror and hardly recognized myself. Ever since my sophomore year of high school I've fought against myself and searched for my identity, but what I've just recently realized is that I haven't been searching for my identity... I've been trying to create my own perfect idea of what I wish myself to be. I've had the mindset that since I was identity-less I could reinvent myself. However, it's hard to reinvent something that you have no knowledge of.
As of late, though, I've come to know this Jennie character and come to find out, I kind of like her. She has quite a bit to offer, it's just buried beneath years of self-doubt and struggle. It would seem that I just got lost in the hustle and bustle and now that I've regained my bearings I'm lost in the woods. That last sentence is a metaphor from Dante's Inferno (read it... it will change you). The beginning of Dante's entire journey is him losing his way. He falls away from his original path and when he finally looks up and takes in his surroundings he realizes that he's lost in the middle of the woods and has no idea how to get back to his original path. I feel much the same way, however I also feel that maybe my original path doesn't fit me anymore. I think I've outgrown that way, and now that I'm discovering who this new Jennie is, I might have to forge a new path...it's going to be hard work, but I'm hoping that by February 14th, 2011 (one year from now) I'll have a better idea of where I'm headed and who exactly I am. I want to not only know my adventure, but also the adventurer. Life for me is just beginning, and yes, thus far it's been riddled with hardships that most people don't ever come across, but I kind of feel like a phoenix in a way... my old life is over, that girl is gone; but from her remains, a new life has sprung.
Here's to the future and it's endless possibilities.
365 days of no fear and no hate. 52 weeks to only love myself. 1 year to find my way.